Waiting to Exhale

It's been 7 days since we last saw our perinatal specialist and weren't given the best news. We had an appointment today. I woke up and I was at peace. My heart wasn't pounding like it had been, and my thoughts weren't going a mile a minute. My heart was calm. That was until around 1:30, when the appointment was looming closer. All day long I was in constant prayer. I went to my Word and poured over promises from God. I went over them again and again. My heart was now in my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Each time I tried to breathe in I couldn't. Anxiety had set in.

When we arrived at the doctor the mood was stoic and the room was freezing. Keep in mind most women that come here do not have healthy pregnancies. It seemed like forever before they called my name. When they did, I made the journey down the long hallway into the ultrasound room. When the tech started, my heart was still pounding and it was still hard to breathe. She looked at their stomachs first and I was surprised. The difference in them didn't look nearly as great as it had a week before. She made the comment that yes, you could tell there was a difference but it wasn't big. It was getting a little easier to breathe. She continued on and we were able to get some beautiful shots of our precious girls. They were face to face, and Harper's little hand was draped "over" her sister, as if to say, "It's OK, I'm here." She measured their amniotic fluids are both were exactly the same. OK, now I could definitely breathe better.

Then it was time for the Doppler reading. Last week we got an abnormal reading followed by a normal one so we weren't sure what to expect. It too her FOREVER to get a good read. Now it was harder to breathe. Finally she was able too and just like that it was over. As you know, the tech isn't really supposed to tell you anything, and I knew better than to ask, so as she finished up her paperwork we waited patiently for the doctor to come in. She did within a few minutes and the first thing she said was, "Good, normal Doppler reading." I think for the first time in 30 minutes I exhaled. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. She went on to say once again she saw no indication of twin to twin transfusion syndrome and it simply looked to be a case of twin discordance. She wants to see us back in two weeks and continue to keep an eye on things. But she was much more encouraging than the last time.

She told me to, of course continue the bed rest and I said I would and that this was my big day out, she laughed and said, "That's just sad!" As soon as she walked out all I could say was, "Thank you God!" And I did. Many times. We go back to Dr. Fanous tomorrow for a regular check up, if you consider any appointment I have "regular." Today brought encouraging news, and today we are grateful. We know that we still have a long journey ahead of us, but we continue to trust in Jesus, our Great Deliverer.